I don’t buy the romantic notion that my life has been somehow richer
or more interesting because of all the times I screwed up; nor that the
mistakes were “put” there to help me learn. I made them myself—through
ignorance, fear, and a dumb wish to have everyone like me—and life and
work would have been less stressful and more enjoyable (and certainly
more successful) without them. So here are some of the things I wish I
had learned long ago. I hope they may help a few of you avoid the
mistakes that I made back then.
* Most of it doesn’t matter. So much of what I got excited about,
anxious about, or wasted my time and energy on, turned out not to
matter. There are only a few things that truly count for a happy life. I
wish I had known to concentrate on those and ignore the rest.
* The greatest source of misery and hatred in this world is
clinging to past hurts. Look at all the terrorists and militant groups
that hark back to some event long gone, or base their justification for
killing on claims of some supposed historical right to a bit of land, or
redress for a wrong done hundreds of years ago.
* Waiting to do something until you can be sure of doing it
exactly right means waiting for ever. One of the greatest advantages
anyone can have is the willingness to make a fool of themselves publicly
and often. There’s no better way to learn and develop. Heck, it’s fun
too.
* Following the latest fashion, in work or in life, is spiritual
and intellectual suicide. You can be a cheap imitation of the ideal of
the moment; or you can be a unique individual. The choice is yours.
Religion isn’t the opiate of the masses, fashion is.
* If people complain that you’re too fond of going your own way
and aren’t fitting in, you must be on the right track. Who wants to live
life as a herd animal? The guys in power don’t want you to fit in for
your own sake; they want you to stop causing them problems and follow
their orders. You can’t have the freedom to be yourself and meekly fit
in at the same time.
* If you make your work your life, you’re making your life into
hard work. Like most people, I confused myself by looking at people like
artists and musicians whose life’s “work” fills their time. That isn’t
work. It’s who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that
also happens to allow you to earn a living doing it, always remember
that work should be a means to an end: living an enjoyable life. Spend
as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the
end. Only idiots live to work.
* The quickest and simplest way to wreck any relationship is to
listen to gossip. The worst way to spend your time is spreading more.
People who spread gossip are the plague-carriers of our day. Cockroaches
are clean, kindly creatures in comparison.
* Trying to please other people is largely a futile activity.
Everyone will be mad at you sometime. Most of the people you deal with
will dislike, disparage, belittle, or ignore what you say or do most of
the time. Besides, you can never really know what others do want, so a
good deal of whatever you do in that regard will go to waste. Be
comforted. Those who love you will probably love you regardless, and
they are the ones whose opinions are worth caring about. The rest aren’t
worth five minutes of thought between them.
* Every winner is destined to be a loser in due course. It’s
great to be up on the winner’s podium. Just don’t imagine you can stay
there for ever. Worst of all is being determined to do so, by any means
available.
* You can rarely, if ever, please, placate, change, or mollify an
asshole. The best thing you can do is stay away from every one you
encounter. Being an asshole is a contagious disease. The more time you
spend around one, the more likely you are to catch it and become one
too.
* Everything takes twice as long as you plan for and produces
results about half as good as you hoped. There’s no reason to be
downhearted about this. Just allow for it and move on.
* People are oddly consistent. Liars usually tell lies. Cheaters
cheat whenever it suits them. A person who confides in you has usually
confided in several others first—but not got the response they wanted. A
loyal friend will stay loyal under enormous amounts of thoughtless
abuse.
* However hard you try, you can’t avoid being yourself. Who else
could you be? You can act and pretend, but the person acting and
pretending is still you. And if you won’t accept yourself—and do the
best you can with what you have—who then has any obligation to accept
you?
* When it comes to blatant lies, there are none more egregious
than budget figures. Time spent agonizing over them is time wasted. Even
if (miracle of miracles!) yours are honest and accurate, no one else
will have been so foolish.
* The loudest noise in the world is the sound of people whining. Don’t add to it.
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